Frilly Boots

I loved the girls back in the 80’s. The faded and ripped jeans. The Stif Stuffed hair. But I always thought one accessory really put a girl over the top.

Frilly boots.

Frilly boots easily made a six a seven. Which of course made the eventual rejection more bitter, but hey, that’s life. Boots made the girl hotter. Now, I call them frilly boots. But it seems this modern day, flash in the pan invention of the Internet will return very little when I search for pics of frilly boots. Turns out the internet gods have altered the name to ‘fringed boots’. Whatever, I’m not here to talk semantics, I am here to talk about my fetish. Well, my legal ones, anyway.

Frilly boots came in many heights; from ankle to knee high. Boots came in many colors. Primarily, black and white were the most common in high school hallways. But you would get the girls who would try harder. They had some sort of overseas connection that could get them frilly boots in blues, purples, reds and maybe even the ultra-rare animal prints. The frills usually either adorned the top of the boot, or maybe ran down the sides. My particular design of choice was to have the frills run down the back.

I am sure there is some scientific research locked up in the annals of the government-right next to the Ark, no doubt-on frilly boots. I am sure there is some hidden correlation between the height and color of the boot and the, ahem, easiness of the girl. I am sure there was some sort of major personality trait that was given away in the choice of color. All I know was just about every girl who wore them turned me down. So I am sure the research will reveal all those frilly boot wearing girls were stuck up bitches. Hot, stuck up bitches, but bitches none the less.

Put it like this. If a girl went to the Ratt show wearing LA Gear or Asics, she was generally going home alone. But if the girl was wearing boots with fringes, she wasn’t going home alone. Possibly for days. You couldn’t go to a show and not see packs of hot girls, all trolling around in their frilly boot glory. I can see them now; hair so high and teased, it scraped the ceiling of the Civic Center. Either tight shirts or Ratt jerseys on. Wearing denim jackets so only one shoulder was showing. Spandex miniskirts on. Loser guys whistling at them like they were Robbin fucking Crosby or something.

The frilly boots were the sign of the rocker chick. She had all the newest hair metal tapes on the floor of her car. The preppies didn’t dare venture into the frilly boot section at Fayva or wherever the hell the girls got their boots those days. No one wanted to see a poser wearing frilly boots. That meant a beatdown might be coming, hopefully in a vat of pudding.

I guess I have a fetish about girls in frilly boots because they were always the rocker chicks I could never have. To me, they looked like they knew how to be in the real world; exist on a higher functioning plain. They knew how to dress. They knew how to tease the shit out of their hair. They knew how to put on whorish makeup. They had pictures of their favorite bands up in their locker, courtesy of Hit Parader. They could work the closing shift at the mall on Friday, and find some rock club to go to. And they just knew how to rock.

I feel this 80s fashion is sorely overlooked. But ya know what? It just might be coming back. Yes, it seems my halfass research has revealed that fringed boots (remember, you can’t call them frilly these days) are making a comeback. Turns out there are current starlets-whose names I don’t recognize to save my life-who have taken to wearing fringed boots. Most of these do appear to be the moccasin-type of fringed boots. I personally have seen them on all the little underage girls who run around the mall like rats. So it looks like there are packs of wannabe stripper Pocahantas’ traipsing around the mall. Not quite the rocker chick boot I was hoping for, but we’re getting close my friends. Ah, hope for the future generation.

I for one welcome this trend. I look forward to once again seeing girls I could never get wearing frilly boots.